just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
