My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
