I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there's paper in my vomit.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
