I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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