He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
