Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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