Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize