I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
