see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
