even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
