I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
