sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize