I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
