I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
