Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize