Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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