I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
