Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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