Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
