You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
