I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
