Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
