remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
