Porn is love you can see.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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