he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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