I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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