mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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