I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
