I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
