Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
