Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
