batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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