just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
