Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
