you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
