The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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