So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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