Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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