I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
