Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
