hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
