so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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