Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
