remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize