i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
