I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
