I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
