I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
