I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
