i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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