Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
