i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize