you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize