You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
