I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize