It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
BRING THE BAGELS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
