if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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