We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
