You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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