Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
