is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
