This girl is more easily done than said...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize