Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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