I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
