Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
