I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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