I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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