I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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