hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
