Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
