i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize