How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
