This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
