And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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