Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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