if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
