you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize