I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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