I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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