dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
