She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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