I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
