Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
