WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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