I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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