I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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