the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
