Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
