did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
