i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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