he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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