Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
