fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
