I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
