is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
