I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize