Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
