We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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