I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
