I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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