i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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