I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He passed out mid-signature
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
