The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
