i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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