she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize