remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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