College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
