Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im holly from the hills drunk
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize