I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
