I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
