just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
