Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
