is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
