I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
