I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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